


White Diamond Breaks A Nail

by Fullmusicbard



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gen, How does White have makeup, Humor, Implied Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Manicure gone wrong, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, White Diamond being overdramatic, Why Did I Write This?, Yellow and Blue Pearl are fused the whole time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29269113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fullmusicbard/pseuds/Fullmusicbard
Summary: “Really, Volleyball? I possessed you for thousands of years, you know, better than anyone, that I. FUCKING. HATE. MY NAILS BEING CHIPPED. And this isn’t a chip, this is one of them being ripped in half.”White Diamond breaks a nail and throws a hissy fit. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Blue Diamond's Pearl/Yellow Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	White Diamond Breaks A Nail

**Author's Note:**

> Original idea sorta from [ladyscientist](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyscientist)
> 
> Their idea involved Change Your Mind but I didn't do it because I'm a coward

For millennia, Homeworld remained static. Four years was nothing. But four years ago, gems had been liberated, their segregated society becoming a stellar kaleidoscope, and those who opposed it had left for the far corners of the galaxies.

For those four years, there had been no worry, no strife, no fear in any gem’s core. But that all changed in an instant. 

There was a scream. It could be heard in every inch of the planet, sinking down to the barely-still molten core. It was a scream of terror, fear, and disgust, with a heaping of anguished sorrow. All gems close to the source glitched grey, feeling a primal emotion of irrelevance in the face of an uncaring universe. 

The scream was coming from White’s head, and it was over a broken nail.

Inside of the ship, the newly-christened Volleyball took a concerned sip of honey-lemon tea, then gently coughed. 

“Um, White Diamond? It’s just a nail, there’s no need to scream.” 

White immediately, and colorfully, swore. 

“Really, Volleyball? I possessed you for thousands of years, you _know,_ better than anyone, that I. FUCKING. HATE. MY NAILS BEING CHIPPED. And this isn’t a chip, this is one of them being _ripped in half._ ” 

The clover pearl fusion also having tea, covered in heart-shaped decorations for allegedly fashionable reasons, laughed quietly and smugly. 

“You know, you didn’t have to take my suggestion. Your fingernails are already stupidly long, _I_ just joked about how you could make them claws. But,” Green shapeshifted to a duplicate of White’s outfit, with some space for her two chest gems, “if some fictional yellow harlot can have black claw-nails while being formerly human, an ex-ruler of Homeworld should be able to do it too.”

Green immediately stuck out her mint tongue, and mockingly T-posed. 

White Diamond wanted to cry. She wished her great-grandson had actually shattered her. Then she wouldn’t have to endure the humiliation of being bullied by the fusion of two gay pearls who enjoyed some book full of people with stupid names and even worse dressing sense. 

Yellow Diamond walked in on her creator crying embarrassingly loudly as the fusion of Yellow and Blue Pearl T-posed at her, while Volleyball was drinking out of the teapot in desperation. Yellow Diamond immediately turned around, blocking the image from her mind forever. 

A Few Hours Later

Steven walked into White’s head, a petrified Yellow Diamond clinging to a soothing Blue behind him, and paused. He was still nervous to come into White’s ship, after, _the incident_ four years ago, but he took a deep breath, and gathered his thoughts, like his therapist and Connie advised. 

“Okay, what’s going on? You guys haven’t needed me to help with stuff, and the Zircons are running Homeworld now, so why is Yellow scared?” 

Yellow shivered in fear, whispering, 

“Those tears, her running mascara….”, in the tone one expected from a soldier suddenly bombed. Blue cuddled her a little more, before gently speaking to Steven. 

“I don’t know much either, Steven. It seems that Yellow can’t, or won’t, say anything else, so you’ll be on your own. I’ll take care of dear Yellow.” With that, the two matriarchs walked away, Blue supporting trembling Yellow. Steven would have to face the unknown.

In the sixteen years he had been alive, Steven had seen _a lot_ of weird stuff. But this, this was the crowning jewel. His great-grandmother was weeping, implausible makeup splattering on her clothes and the floor, like blood from a slasher film, if the slasher movie was filmed in black-and-white. In front of her, a green, oddly familiar pearl was T-posing in front of her, humming an odd song incredibly loudly. Off to the side, Volleyball was drinking what appeared to be a fifth teapot, if the empty ones in a pile next to her were any indication, while a dead-eyed Spinel held about ten more. After what seemed like eons of suffering, White noticed his existence, and smiled with relief. 

“Oh Steven! It’s so good to see my little great-grandson! You _never visit!_ Oh, how’s therapy? Do you want tea? Oh, oh, before we chat, can you heal my nail?” 

White Diamond showed her uneven left hand to him, thumb and index finger trimmed _sharper_ than normal, while her middle was jagged and torn. As Steven looked up at White’s smiling face and red-rimmed eyes, Steven stared into space and wished to become part of the void. 

Volleyball was waving in front of him, while the green pearl, _Yellow and Blue?,_ snarked from the side, 

“I think you broke him.” Above him, White scoffed, then paused. 

“Schist. Steven, did I break you? SPEAK TO ME! BLINK IF YOU ARE ALIVE!” 

Steven blinked in fear of his life, and spit in his hands. 

“O-Okay, White. I’ll try and heal your nail, I just-” _How was I ever afraid of her?_ “...I just blanked out for a second.”

Steven spit on White’s ebony nail, edging away from the jagged bits. In a miracle, it began to grow back, like some odd night flower. Volleyball offered him a cup of tea, and he downed it in a gulp. His great-grandmother began spewing praise and thanks like a broken fountain, and after Steven had hugged and greeted them all, including the newly-formed Green Pearl, he headed toward the door. 

It was time for Steven to leave. He had seen everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Green is the fusion of Yellow and Blue Pearl, just in case it was too vague
> 
> why sleep when you can write crack


End file.
